Pre-Finals Freakout (We Weren't Going to Get Through Finals Week Without This)
I can't bring myself to study.
I read over material for 20 minutes and my mind starts to wander.
I think I know it now, but I know I'm going to get to the test and blank.
How can everyone else get into studying so easily?
Why do the Italians have to make the Passato Remoto and the Conditionale so fucking similar?
My iTunes is fucking up.
I handed in my jazz piece yesterday, now I can't fuck with it anymore, and as soon as I handed it in I thought of a million other things I should have wrote.
He's going to think it's a piece of shit.
He's going to think I didn't learn anything.
They're all going to think I didn't learn anything, when really I got more out of this semester than I have in a long time.
It's just because I get nervous on finals and forget everything.
My grades don't reflect what I know.
I'm smarter than it looks on paper.
Stupid symbolic logic.
I'm overreacting, and now everyone is going to think I'm weak.
I'm stronger than you think.
I can handle it.
But then I second guess myself, and I might not be, so people condescend.
Is there anywhere between treating me like a child and encouraging me, or do I just register those as the same thing?
Why can't I take a compliment?
Radiohead is skipping on one of my favorite songs.
That seems to be what my brain feels like; mostly there but interrupted at the wrong moments.
I've had a headache for the past 3 days even though I've been getting a lot of sleep.
That online quiz was right, I do exaggerate things.
I'm not this upset.
I just wish I had more control over my own mind.
I wish I could tell it to remember.
I wish it would get Material Implication and the moons of Jupiter stuck in it, rather than Elvis Costello.
I need my friends.
All my friends problems are bigger than mine.
I want my mom.
I want to lie on my bed and read Wonder Boys and watch Food Network and be happy.
I am happy, I'm just stressed.
I'm going to miss everyone too much, but I'm dying to go home.
The Pixies wrote some damn beautiful songs.
I can never have the best of both worlds.
This post is too egocentric.
Blogs are egocentric in their nature.
This is way too long.
I feel like Allen Ginsberg.
Moloch!
I read over material for 20 minutes and my mind starts to wander.
I think I know it now, but I know I'm going to get to the test and blank.
How can everyone else get into studying so easily?
Why do the Italians have to make the Passato Remoto and the Conditionale so fucking similar?
My iTunes is fucking up.
I handed in my jazz piece yesterday, now I can't fuck with it anymore, and as soon as I handed it in I thought of a million other things I should have wrote.
He's going to think it's a piece of shit.
He's going to think I didn't learn anything.
They're all going to think I didn't learn anything, when really I got more out of this semester than I have in a long time.
It's just because I get nervous on finals and forget everything.
My grades don't reflect what I know.
I'm smarter than it looks on paper.
Stupid symbolic logic.
I'm overreacting, and now everyone is going to think I'm weak.
I'm stronger than you think.
I can handle it.
But then I second guess myself, and I might not be, so people condescend.
Is there anywhere between treating me like a child and encouraging me, or do I just register those as the same thing?
Why can't I take a compliment?
Radiohead is skipping on one of my favorite songs.
That seems to be what my brain feels like; mostly there but interrupted at the wrong moments.
I've had a headache for the past 3 days even though I've been getting a lot of sleep.
That online quiz was right, I do exaggerate things.
I'm not this upset.
I just wish I had more control over my own mind.
I wish I could tell it to remember.
I wish it would get Material Implication and the moons of Jupiter stuck in it, rather than Elvis Costello.
I need my friends.
All my friends problems are bigger than mine.
I want my mom.
I want to lie on my bed and read Wonder Boys and watch Food Network and be happy.
I am happy, I'm just stressed.
I'm going to miss everyone too much, but I'm dying to go home.
The Pixies wrote some damn beautiful songs.
I can never have the best of both worlds.
This post is too egocentric.
Blogs are egocentric in their nature.
This is way too long.
I feel like Allen Ginsberg.
Moloch!
posted by Jaya @ 3:45 PM
4 Opinions
At 7:58 PM,
danimal said…
glad you got that out of your system, but next time, talk to me or one of your other friends. less self-destructive that way. course, that means you have to stop blocking my AIM screenname, which i know will be difficult.
At 9:29 PM,
veronica said…
_I_ think you're strong and beautiful and I know you're smart, and everyone else does too. So there. I also know how it feels to be breaking down over something when all your friends' problems are bigger than yours, because I just finished doing it and it wasn't pleasant. It's okay, though. We're all allowed our time.
The gist of it is:
I love you, Jaya, and I _know_ you can handle it.
At 10:06 PM,
Jaya said…
You two are why I love and need my friends.
At 1:01 PM,
Faye said…
Oh, you will die alone and etc.
I can't even really be bothered to think of cutting sarcasm right now. My head hurts a bit, and we both know you're gonna keep on truckin' and rock the free world's socks. But not the manacled world. They don't get sock rocking.
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